Thursday, March 10, 2011

CARRY THAT WEIGHT

Thank you to all who read this story at this spot. I have sold it to Golden Visions Magazine and hope you will go and read (or reread?) this story there, along with the other terrific content. I am keeping the comments here, because on down days, these keep my writing.

Golden Visions also published "Memories Captured", another flash story I debuted in this forum, then felt confident enough to submit elsewhere. Thank you for your encouragement, and for supporting me, as well as the independent publishers.


I am addicted to weight loss shows; Heavy, The Biggest Loser, even MTV's I Used To Be Fat--I can't get enough. On almost every show, after the final weigh-in when it is time to cheer success, someone says "I/You lost a person." I would think, yeah, cool, that is a whole other person but it never inspired, you know? On a recent show, the trainer said, "you lost xxx pounds, that's what I weigh." It was my weight too. Inspiration hit, hence the story above. Oh, and the title meant I had to get the appropriate song. Enjoy.

25 comments:

Linda said...

Great story. Love the ending, the smell of a donut. I just feel fatter when I watch those shows. And thanks for the Beatles tune! Peace...

Danielle La Paglia said...

Dammit! I was eating pizza while reading this! I guess I better go for a jog. LOL Great story this week.

FARfetched said...

I'm trying to make sure I have my head wrapped around this one the right way. Thomas is the "whole person" that Victor lost, right?

Good choice of name there — Victor, as in he'll win. This one kept me reading, wondering, hoping.

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

It's almost 11 p.m. and I'm dog tired and thought maybe I'll leave reading Peg's story until tomorrow morning when I'm fresher... then I started reading and you SUCKED ME RIGHT IN, right to the end. You always do this to me! Your stories are the Venus flypaper of #fridayflash. Geez, I missed you!

Rebecca Emin said...

This is superb! So many twists and turns in there, I was hooked!

mazzz in leeds said...

"Couldn't the bitch say anything without an exclamation point" - haha, I know someone like this!

I recently got addicted tothe Biggest Loser, so I loved this!

~Tim said...

Cool idea. I love stories that personify things we may take for granted. [And I love The Beatles too.]

ganymeder said...

Sixth Sense meets the Biggest Loser... Brilliant!

Alan W. Davidson said...

Loved the story, Peggy. I think you should be putting togeter an anthology of ghost/people not really there stories! (with an exclamation point)

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent story. Loved how the characters popped and seemed so real. Even Thomas.

Timothy P. Remp said...

Mmmm Donuts. Love the visuals, the smells and all the food references. I was wondering how you were going to pull off the fatness after we chatted about it.

Another wonderful piece.

-Tim

Jay Thurston said...

Those shows are inspirational aren't they? I can really only speak for Biggest Loser, as I have not seen the others, but I'm sure they have a similar impact on the viewers.

Poor Thomas. No love for the blobs.

Entertaining, and a fun one, Peggy!

Deanna Schrayer said...

Oh yes, Peg, this is great! I too love the exclamation point line, just perfect description!

laradunning said...

The suspense of what Thomas really was, was created perfectly. His crass thoughts pulled you in and made you feel sorry for Victor. That is untill Thomas true nature was revealed. Fun read!

Steve Green said...

What an amazing concept for a story, very readable, very well done.

Aaron said...

The pizza I had for lunch yesterday seems less friendly now. Fun read!

Quin Browne said...

i was thinking it was a dog!! oh, i love that it was a person--now, if i could only get rid of shelia....

John Wiswell said...

"He leapt at Victor again, only to slip off, like grease off Teflon."

Imagining one man actually dripping off another like grease off Teflon is highly amusing. I highly recommend it.

Good story, Peggy!

Donald Conrad said...

Using the lost weight as an alter-ego is pretty clever. I like it and thanks for the Beatles tune.

I'm not giving up pizza though. It deserves its own food group.

Donald Conrad said...

Using the lost weight as an alter-ego is pretty clever. I like it and thanks for the Beatles tune.

I'm not giving up pizza though. It deserves its own food group.

J. M. Strother said...

I've lost a person before, but damned if I didn't find half of 'em again. Not as messy as it sounds, just discouraging. I'm proud of Victor. Hope he doesn't have too many in-the-flesh friends like Thomas out there trying to trip him up. Good story.
~jon

Maria A. Kelly said...

Love this. I'm in the process of trying to lose a person now too. I don't watch those shows, though. I have enough reality. I love that the extra "dead" weight that Victor lost took on a life of it's own. Nice.

AidanF said...

My view seems to have been a little different. I saw Thomas as the Devil that used to sit on Victor's shoulder, especially with the door he couldn't open etc. Although, I love reading this also as Thomas being the person Victor lost.

The smell/taste of pizza really drew me in. Now where's my pizza? :)

Harry said...

Ha! Very creative expansion of the idea: "I/You lost a person."

"Couldn't the bitch say anything without an exclamation point? Thomas' jaw clenched with every up-note." < love this

Well done Peggy.

Icy Sedgwick said...

Interesting way to personify both his weight loss and his old mentality. Go Victor!