Thursday, August 26, 2010

HALO

The 3WW words are abstain, halo, prayer. Play along one of these weeks. This inspires me to write at least one story a week, (as I flounder in my other wip) and keeps me involved in #fridayflash.

halo

The halo screwed into his head, long rods held him rigid. He lay still, monitor beeping, diminished inside the sterile. A wave, a stumble, a one-in-a-million accident. His brother bent to kiss him, left the room. She would not leave.

They kissed on the couch, side by side, his body held her still. He was the first to probe. Good girls' fingers tent for prayer; good boys' fingers seek the eternal. She could not breathe. His mother glided. I'm not that kind of girl, she told the closed door.

"You have to leave. Visit for a few minutes, then go. Displaying your misery does not help my brother." Offended, she stayed. His touch created a devoted girlfriend; she did not know how to leave. Unconditional love's condition. Her halo hovered.

The hospital released him. One prayer answered. She could live inside her anticipation for their again, abstain from his tangible. Six months was not forever.

The doctor removed his halo. His blond hair screened the holes. In time, they would diminish. "I am free," he said. She drove him home, to his life. He kissed his fingers, touched her cheek. "You are too," he said. He shut the door, her freedom locked inside her rigid halo.

24 comments:

Mike Robertson said...

Such a strange poetic expression of young love, and devotion, and pain. Personally, I like this work much better than your (or anybody's) horror.

I wonder if "He lie still," is meant to be "He lay still," ...?

Lou Freshwater said...

I think this is quite lovely. It has such an ethereal quality to it.

Mike Robertson said...

One more try at a comment. Loved this work Peg!

John Wiswell said...

I like that her halo hovers but his is screwed on. Such a neat take on the two definitions.

Possible typo in the second sentence: He "laid" still? He "lay" still?

Jay Thurston said...

Did not see that ending coming, which was a good thing of course. Restrictions on hospital visiting hours always seem so insensitive to the mourning.

Another one on the shorter side for you that packs much flavor into a little space. I feel like I ate a Starburst. :-)

Michael Solender said...

Wild Peggy, dreamy and spectacular!

pegjet said...

Thank you Lou, Mike.

Mike & John,I will go right now and fix the "lie" to "lay". Shoot, a couple weeks ago I read a post from Writer's Digest about this very issue and thought I had it mastered. Apparently, I need to reread! Laid or lay is correct.

Jay... starburst. I laughed. That's a unique compliment.

Coraline J. Thompson said...

this is a gorgeous view of Love and pain. great use of the prompts.

The World of Lost Souls

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent story. Very powerful indeed.

Laura Eno said...

Beautiful symetry here. I felt so sorry for her at the end.

ladynimue said...

fantastic !!!!

V.R. Leavitt said...

Well done!! Not at all what I expected. Read it twice I liked it so much.

quin browne said...

You inspire me to create..... your work never fails to entertain, to cause thought after the reading, to bring the reader into the lives of your characters.

Linda said...

Unusual and wonderful piece from you. Lots packed in a short space, and leaves me with uneasy, conflicted emotions. A most excellent thing. Great use of thw word 'halo' as a play on evil/goodness. Peace...

David G Shrock said...

Dreamy, poetic play packed with emotions. I like the use of 'halo' screwed on vs hovered, both visual and symbolic.

runbeagle said...

It reads almost like a poem - lyrical and rhythmic. Really touching without being cheesy. Lovely.

Pamila Payne said...

The strange flow of this piece felt like remembered dream fragments, edited together to make a melancholy silent film. I could see it all, very affecting.

afullnessinbrevity said...

A beautiful symmetry and imagery here. Very ethereal.
Adam B @revhappiness

Bukowski's Basement said...

Surreal and phantasmic... Such a great flow. Odd, but gorgeous nonetheless.

Cathy Olliffe said...

Peg! Hard or not (your twitter comment), you should write like this more often!
Just plain gorgeous, girlfriend - and him dumping her at the end, what a schlep. And her, what a girl, what a sadly typical girl.
I haven't been reading too much flash lately, Peg, but I try never to miss yours, even though I'm often late.

Timothy P. Remp said...

I loved all the double meanings in this. Yes short but packed with thoughts intertwined with feels misunderstood.

Great story, Peggy. You always amaze me.

-Tim

ganymeder said...

Lovely layers. Beautiful.

Alan W. Davidson said...

The two uses of halo were really well done. An interesting relationship between these two. A consise and well-told story.

Marisa Birns said...

Your work never fails to be wonderful. Poetic prose at its best!