Thursday, July 22, 2010

WHITE HORSES FLOW

This week, I rediscovered one of my favorite albums, Jeff Buckley's "Grace". This album is so good, that if I had to play the game of "If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, which one would it be?" I would choose this one. Those who know me would assume a Goo Goo Dolls album, but for overall emotional and resonating content, "Grace" wins. He died before the world discovered him, but I'm sure this one rates on many critics top 100 lists. Jeff performing this song is included below (if I figured out embedding properly).

The song "Mojo Pin" combined with this week's 3WW inspired this #fridayflash. A different style for me, and I'm amazed that for once, I didn't push the limits of a "flash" word count.

WHITE HORSES FLOW


Tabitha grabbed the slimy worm, didn't flinch at all as she pierced its body with the hook. She looked at her daddy, basked in his approval.

~~

Scott paddled the boat to the still pool, pulled the oars into the keel. He laid the bait box between them, smiled at his daughter's beaming face.

~~

Tabitha felt the vibration from the pole. She set the hook, just like daddy taught her, then reeled the white horse into the boat.

~~

Scott jumped when the hoof kicked his chest. He worried the thin line of oozing blood would frighten Tabitha.

~~

Tabitha cried at the sight of her dad's blood. The red oozed bright in the gray twilight.

~~

Scott touched his daughter's face, promised daddy would stay near. He closed his eyes, a victim to the pain.

~~

Tabitha screamed herself awake, tucked tighter into herself. She willed herself back to sleep, back into the boat, back to before the white horse kicked.

~~

Scott watched his daughter sleep, apologized for leaving. The light beckoned, he couldn't ignore its call.

~~

Tabitha grabbed the slimy hose, didn't flinch at all as she pierced her arm with the needle. She looked at her boyfriend, basked in his approval.

33 comments:

Mike Robertson said...

The direction this went in surprised me, Peg. Shouldn't I suppose. The title should have rung bells, but hey, I'm an innocent. "...red oozed bright in the gray twilight." Yeah. You sure can turn a phrase. Pretty amazing work, congrats! And especially on winning!

G.P. Ching said...

The clash between innocence and the gutter made for an intriguing piece. Amazing story. Well done.

John Wiswell said...

This cracked in several directions, Peggy. An interesting read, especially with neat lines like "he light beckoned, he couldn't ignore its call. " It's composed of neatness.

Linda said...

Wow. Superb blending of all these inspirations. Why is it we girls are always seeking some guy's approval, starting with daddy-oh? How it sets our life course.

Jeff Buckley was amazing. Superb album. I gotta go dig it out now. Peace...

Carrie said...

Fascinating choreography of words here. A comparison of innocence and not so much. Nice.

Marisa Birns said...

Just loved how it began with slime and piercing and ended with it. Read the story while I listened to the song and it made it the best experience.

David G Shrock said...

I'm fascinated by the style, the way things move. Wiswell says it best. I'll return to study this more.

Eric J. Krause said...

The structure of this was excellent, and the content even better. Good story!

Bukowski's Basement said...

There was a brilliant cadence to this Peg. A wonderful piece of writing... BRISK AND SAD

Al Bruno III said...

That was great. It was almost a prose poem.

Diandra said...

Repetition is the mother of life.

Laurita said...

Brilliant. Loved the structure and the coming around from beginning to end.

Americanising Desi said...

wonderfully worded and brilliant end!

hats off

No More A Victim

ThomG said...

This is different than your usual, but I think it's fantastic, Peggy. It reaches deep within, like watching a dream unfold. Or nightmare, depending on the POV. Good stuff.

Jay Thurston said...

I enjoyed the back and forth point of view between Scott and Tabitha. Creative to the extreme. And derailing the innocence at the end, great ending!

Sulci Collective said...

Wonderful. Completely made by the rhythm and language.

marc nash

Valerie said...

Very stark and sad. I'd almost call it a poem as well. If she keeps it up, she'll be with her daddy in no time.

PJ said...

Whoah, Peggy. Marc and others are right. The language and cadence makes this piece sing which makes the stark ending that much more intense. Well done.

Timothy P. Remp said...

Wow, you really broke away from your comfort zone.

I liked the back and forth between the two characters and the setting you choose to explore them with. The spaces between each section added to the scope of the piece and the twisted ended capped it perfectly.

Be proud! You’re an incredible write with only a brighter future to come!

-Tim

Anneke said...

Beautiful!

Laura Eno said...

Wonderful cadence to this and the circular ending completes it.

Alan W. Davidson said...

I enjoyed the format in which you wrote this, Peggy. Back and forth, innocence and worldly. Sad and nicely told story.

Jodi MacArthur said...

Hey Peg, it's been awhile so I figured I'd swing by and glad I did. The story is a mix of flavors: innocent, haunting, gritty. The stanza breaks give the lines such emphasis. Risky, but it totally works.

Im listening to 'Mojo Pin'. Holy shit its fantastic.Grooves to this story. I'm going to look this album up.

mazzz in Leeds said...

Love the bookending here, Peg. You're a very versatile writer

J. Elis Morgan said...

Hi, I came over from Jason's blog to thank you for commenting on my entry (Synesthesia) and found your brilliant flash. I had no idea where the story was going but it all came together, and so poignantly, in the end. I was glad to have found and read this.

Thanks again for your comments, and now that I've found your site and the 3WW, I'm especially grateful.

btw... Your site is beautiful. I love the title, Eldritch's Way and the graphic above. Very visual and fantastical, all elements I enjoy.

Donna Hole said...

The interplay of the two POV's bothered me at first, but as I kept reading I was completely drawn in. I like how you brought it full circle in the end.

Brilliant.

.......dhole

estrella05azul said...

So beautiful, I'm speechless really :)

Kevin Michaels said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kevin Michaels said...

I had to go back and add more to my original comments because the story just keeps coming back at me - very powerful and really vivid. The cadence between the two POV's works so well, as does the contrast between innocence and grittiness. I love the structure and not only the images you've created, but the things you don't say - some times its the blanks you don't fill in that create the most poignant stories.

Also loved the call out for GRACE - definitely one of the best yet most under-rated albums around.
KM

林聿希林聿希林聿希 said...

不只BLOG內容很棒留言也很精采 XDDDD..................................................................

Cathy Olliffe said...

Hi Peg! What is it about your writing that makes me go, "ahhhh."
This one did. Absolutely.
The "fishing" trip, the blood, the dying dad, the plunging needle, the nightmare that is her waking life... all too sad. All too wonderfully described.
Just ahhhh.

Sepiru Chris said...

Dear Pegjet,

Four months without some good fiction is a long time to go. It is nice to be back. At least I hope I am back.

And it is far more than nice to dip into the savoury delights that are so filling, though so small. Rich nuggets that satiate, even though you wouldn't think them capable of filling up the void.

What a delight to stumble upon this piece as my first return visit to your land of tight, terse, and complete worlds.

Thanks for these treasures that you produce, and share, time and again.

How you do it is remarkable. If it is something in the water, then, to quote the woman in diner in "When Harry met Sally", "I'll have what she's having".

Tschuess,
Chris

ganymeder said...

Beautifully heartbreaking.