Wednesday, February 3, 2010

MOONLIGHTING

Here's my offering for 3WW and #fridayflash.

MOONLIGHTING

"Listen. Do you smell something?" That was still her favorite line from Ghostbusters. Jen flipped through the channels, saw nothing else interesting and decided, why not, it'd been a while. She returned to Comedy Central, perched on the edge of the couch and waited for a commercial break.

"Bob" and his smiling goofy face filled the screen. Even though the limp hose cracked her up, she hurried to the cabinet, slammed a Pop Secret Bag in the microwave and poured herself a tall glass of diet coke. Wow, she was enjoying herself. Jen couldn't remember the last time she spent a working night watching television. Shoot! She was working; she better check on Dick.

Jen flipped the bedroom light switch. Disco blues and pinks, yellows and oranges swirled over the bed. Frantic, Dick struggled against his restraints. She could hear syllables between his grunts. Jen pulled her nightstick from her belt, whacked him across his chest. She yanked him by his hair and adjusted the ball gag; tightened his ankle and wrist cuffs while she stood close. Jingle notes from a local car ad mingled with Dick's pants. "Dick, dick, dick," she said as she removed her gun belt, unbuttoned her blue shirt. She couldn't decide whether to stay in her pants and tee shirt or change into something more comfortable. Absently she tickled his left sole, listened to a lizard talk about insurance from the other room.

Sweat poured off his temples. Jen yawned. "What am I supposed to do with you?" She flipped open her ticket pad, pretended to read. "Your wife says you've been naughty. You understand that right?"

Dick's eyes bulged from the bed. "Melissa hired me to teach you what can happen. Men who cruise, lose." Jen laughed; that line cracked her up, no matter how many times she used it. She sniffed. "Dick, did you just soil yourself?" The reek of his bowels mingled with movie butter whiffs, a unique and almost not unpleasant odor to Jen. The announcer's voice boomed over bright music, reminding the viewer that a new South Park could only be seen on Comedy Central.

"Usually, I like to draw these things out, but Dick, tonight, I'm just not in the mood. Let's get this over with." Jen showed the shackled man her taser, aimed for the body part his wife had ordered and zapped him. Dick lurched into an impossible arch before he passed out. Jen dropped the stun gun, closed the bedroom door and returned to her living room.

Good, she thought, I haven't missed Slimer. Jen emptied her popcorn, brought the bowl and soda to the living room and placed them on the coffee table. She tucked her grandma's afghan under her curled legs, found the remote and increased the volume. She laughed when the four ghostbusters ruined the hotel dining room. Capturing the green ghost got Jen thinking. Containment box... I could charge more.

40 comments:

Tim Remp said...

So, so many layers. WOW! Comedy, horror a business plan :) You've drawn another perfect picture for a read to really enjoy!

Bravo Peg...bravo.

Jay Thurston said...

Always keeping the reader on their toes, did not see the bondage coming. Your writing always seems to include a surprise factor or a spin in a total unexpected direction... which makes your work very entertaining!

I'm beginning to start reading your pieces with the "OK where is she going to take this" mentality. This one makes me want popcorn. :-) Thanks as always for sharing.

Crybbe666 said...

From Ghostbusters, to South Park to tasered dangly bits...loved it immensely. Fine piece of flash!

anthonynorth said...

Fast paced and deceptive. I liked it.

ThomG said...

This took a fantastic turn into the darkness for me. Loved the pace of this, the shift from comedy to bondage/"pain management." Cruiseyou lose, indeed.

I had one troublesome part: Her client's husband's. But I am unsure of how to change that description without adding another sentence. Maybe:

Dick's eyes bulged from the bed.
"Melissa hired me to teach you what can happen," she told the naughty husband. "Men who cruise, lose."

pegjet said...

Duly noted, Thom, and when I wrote it, I was trying to decide if it was easy to follow or awkward.

I've adjusted it slightly, didn't have to add a sentence; only about 3 words. Thanks for the feedback.

Al Bruno III said...

Great story (but why don't women understand that us stallions gotta roam free???)

Tumblewords: said...

Fast paced tale!

Sweetest in the Gale said...

The nonchalant way she went about her evening was so chilling when it was overlayed atop the other storyline. It definitely grabbed me and caught my attention! Great story.

Marisa Birns said...

It's always good to see a woman who enjoys her work!

Naughty husband's name is Dick? Love it.

Entertaining and enjoyable. Well, for me anyway. Sure Dick didn't find it so. :)

Cascade Lily said...

Yeah, like Marisa I loved name you chose for the naughty 'stallion' (Al!!)

Excellent work Peg :)

Linda said...

So many subtle details -- the ball gag, the Pop Secret, the name Dick. Is this feminist vigilantism? Great stuff, keep it come... Peace, Linda

Carrie said...

Hahah! Females rule this week!

Michael Solender said...

very olfactory graphic. you deleivered on this one peggy. remind me not to make you mad!

Michelle said...

Interesting - well paced - great to read.

Christian Bell said...

This is great! Love how you worked in Ghostbusters (loved that movie) with the bondage storyline. On different levels it’s aall a bit disturbing yet quite humorous.

Eric J. Krause said...

At least she enjoys her job. Loved all the Ghostbusters references. Good story!

Andy Sewina said...

Phew, so that's what goes on next door, ouch!

shannon said...

LOL! Now that's a niche job!Maybe if writing doesn't work out...hmmm. And I love that she was watching Ghostbusters...makes me want to go rent it. Really entertaining flash!

CJ Hodges MacFarlane said...

Yes, where do I sign up for THAT job? Work from home takes on a new meaning! :)

Great stuff, easy, fun & dark.

G.P. Ching said...

SO. MUCH. FUN. This is pure entertainment. And the way you mixed the bizarre with the ordinary was so well done.

John Wiswell said...

Nothing wins me over quite like Ghostbusters references.

Peggy, you came, you saw, you kicked its ass!

pegjet said...

Touche, John. And always remember, the stairs go up.

Dee Martin said...

Must be rough on her social life though..this was so much fun to read.

Chance said...

A riot of a read, good stuff and some great descriptions in there.

i like how you have broken the story up as well, with her going back and forth between.

David Masters said...

Disturbing and hilarious. I liked how you explored a character that is violent one minute, then gets on with her day-to-day life the next. I also like that you chose a woman for this, to reverse sterotypes.

As they say here in Belfast, even the terrorists go Christmas shopping.

Laurita said...

I love how you wove Ghostbusters through this whole thing, and the ending was just brilliant. Her nonchalance gave it just enough comedic air.

Kevin Michaels said...

Great read - visual and a little twisted/dark. Love the direction this takes and the subtle use of Geico ads and South Park, along with the more prominent role of Ghostbusters. And as Laurita noted - Jen's nonchalance was great. Well done!

Kim Batchelor said...

Quite the revenge tale. It's good that she can work out of her home. Very funny.

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Haha - I could SO do that job!
And why is Ghostbusters missing from my DVD collection? I will be rectifying this, post haste

sky said...

She sounds like she enjoys her work! Great piece, well constructed, psychological and gripping - and so is the story! Well done.
Simon.

windspirit-girl said...

Nice! I loved the juxtaposition. It worked so well. Chilling--and funny. A hard combination to pull off and you did it beautifully.

PJ said...

Very nice flash! I think it's the contrast between her nonchalance and the violence that makes this tale entertaining. If this story took itself too seriously it wouldn't be so palatable. Well done!

dan powell said...

A lively story and great character.

Cathy Olliffe said...

I hate it when work interrupts perfectly good TV.

Laura Eno said...

Great job she has! Loved the path you wove with this. Tasered body part, heh heh.

G.P. Ching said...

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quin browne said...

i laughed so hard, milly came in to see what i was reading..

peggy--this was so good in so many ways... i'm still giggling.

Sepiru Chris said...

Dear Peg,

I will be short and sweet, this time as my effusive praise will otherwise lose some credibility, possibly.

Fan-freaking-tastic; yet one more reason why I am a fan of your writing.

Nice attention to details and nice, teasing development of the story and the situation.

Tschuess,
Chris

Thomma Lyn said...

Bwahahahahaha! Just marvelous. Great details, dialogue, dark humor, and all-around kick butt! :-D